I’m Done

I hope to anyone reading this doesn’t come as too big of a shock or disappointment. But I am done done done donner than done. I’m even eating a banana as we speak to show how done I am.

The shocking part is I felt fine all day. Did my SWF, ran back and forth to the toilet for 2 hours this morning, made all my lemonade, decided not to take any orange juice with me, I was on track. I made extra lemonade even so I wouldn’t run into any sugar issues. But by the end of the day all I could think about was my kitty.

See my kitty eats the same food every day, at basically the same times every day, and I would guess roughly the same amount each time. And what does he eat? Is it healthy kitty food he went out and specially picked because he was worried about his health? Is it only the very most natural form of food he could be eating? Well my friends, frankly the answer is no. As far as I know my kitty is not eating raw wild chicken that he caught himself. Although I am sure he would absolutely love to get his little paws on a nice round plump one, it just ain’t happenin’. He gets the cheep brand at the local grocery mart, which is by all means processed and probably has a crap ton of preservatives in it to keep kitty nice and happy. And wouldn’t you know it, he is happy just the same. When I fill up his little bowl he doesn’t sit there and complain that this food might have things in it which would produce toxins in his body. No, my little guy comes racing faster than if his life were in danger to the sound of the food being poured. He loves the crap. And is kitty fat? No he is the most hyper thing alive. Is he unhealthy? HA! David and I could actually stand for him to act a little lethargic sometimes. He is a firecracker!

So the moral of the story? Yeah I’m sure there are toxins in my body. And who knows this system flush might be a key to getting rid of some. But It doesn’t change the fact that I live in the city and breath in smog every day. It doesn’t change the fact that in about 10 days from now I would be back to eating food and loving every moment of it. One thing my kitty and I have in common is we both love the food. So as I say at work today and thought about my cat. I asked myself what was the point. Sure I had this big old list. But i challenged myself to really look inside to find out why I was really doing this. Why was it I was forcing myself to go hungry day after day, for what cause? Well it pretty much came down to the fact that I was too stubborn to simply stop. I felt that I would be giving up, losing, failing.

I wanted to win. For some reason I was challenging myself to a duel. I wanted to prove to myself I could have control over my impulses. Now I am a VERY impulsive person. I tend to over eat, I spend all my money in one place, and I never make plans. My main goal was to try to in some weird ass way take control of that person in me and teach it some manners. But in reality I don’t need to have control over who I am. Thats like trying to change who I am. And really, I like being me. I don’t always know who me is but as a general consensus I like me.

So sure I am insecure, I am impulsive, I can be sloppy, and I am lazy. But I am also confident, mature, intelligent, artistic, neat, motivated, and active.

I just needed to realize I don’t always have to try and control the things about me which I myself criticize. Instead I should embrace them and let them go hand in hand and be a part of who I am.