I’m Done

I hope to anyone reading this doesn’t come as too big of a shock or disappointment. But I am done done done donner than done. I’m even eating a banana as we speak to show how done I am.

The shocking part is I felt fine all day. Did my SWF, ran back and forth to the toilet for 2 hours this morning, made all my lemonade, decided not to take any orange juice with me, I was on track. I made extra lemonade even so I wouldn’t run into any sugar issues. But by the end of the day all I could think about was my kitty.

See my kitty eats the same food every day, at basically the same times every day, and I would guess roughly the same amount each time. And what does he eat? Is it healthy kitty food he went out and specially picked because he was worried about his health? Is it only the very most natural form of food he could be eating? Well my friends, frankly the answer is no. As far as I know my kitty is not eating raw wild chicken that he caught himself. Although I am sure he would absolutely love to get his little paws on a nice round plump one, it just ain’t happenin’. He gets the cheep brand at the local grocery mart, which is by all means processed and probably has a crap ton of preservatives in it to keep kitty nice and happy. And wouldn’t you know it, he is happy just the same. When I fill up his little bowl he doesn’t sit there and complain that this food might have things in it which would produce toxins in his body. No, my little guy comes racing faster than if his life were in danger to the sound of the food being poured. He loves the crap. And is kitty fat? No he is the most hyper thing alive. Is he unhealthy? HA! David and I could actually stand for him to act a little lethargic sometimes. He is a firecracker!

So the moral of the story? Yeah I’m sure there are toxins in my body. And who knows this system flush might be a key to getting rid of some. But It doesn’t change the fact that I live in the city and breath in smog every day. It doesn’t change the fact that in about 10 days from now I would be back to eating food and loving every moment of it. One thing my kitty and I have in common is we both love the food. So as I say at work today and thought about my cat. I asked myself what was the point. Sure I had this big old list. But i challenged myself to really look inside to find out why I was really doing this. Why was it I was forcing myself to go hungry day after day, for what cause? Well it pretty much came down to the fact that I was too stubborn to simply stop. I felt that I would be giving up, losing, failing.

I wanted to win. For some reason I was challenging myself to a duel. I wanted to prove to myself I could have control over my impulses. Now I am a VERY impulsive person. I tend to over eat, I spend all my money in one place, and I never make plans. My main goal was to try to in some weird ass way take control of that person in me and teach it some manners. But in reality I don’t need to have control over who I am. Thats like trying to change who I am. And really, I like being me. I don’t always know who me is but as a general consensus I like me.

So sure I am insecure, I am impulsive, I can be sloppy, and I am lazy. But I am also confident, mature, intelligent, artistic, neat, motivated, and active.

I just needed to realize I don’t always have to try and control the things about me which I myself criticize. Instead I should embrace them and let them go hand in hand and be a part of who I am.

Master Cleanse Day 3

Is it really only day three?!?! My God today was by far the worst day so far since I have started this whole thing. No joke, I really thought I was going to die today. That or have some serious things happen. All of which nearly stopped me right in my tracks of all this. I’m not talking about mere hunger pangs folks, I was afraid I was compromisingly my health and in fact I am still a little weary.

The day started out great. No middle of the night dashes to the bathroom, I woke up nice and early to do my ‘SWF’ and I was feeling refreshed too (which is the most unusual because I am NOT a morning person).  I did my salt water flush and things came out just fine. I made enough lemonade to take to work, and had one for breakfast as I was getting rounded up for the day. I actually felt really really good.

Now I know that the book says to put 2TBS of syrup in the lemonade but Stanley Man also says you can put less if you are trying to loose weight. So not that it is my top priority or anything, I have been only putting in about 1TBS of syrup in most of my drinks. This has seemed sufficient for the most part.

Well today I decided to put 2TBS in one of the drinks I took to work. Just to give me a little boost if i began to feel tired. I think this was where I made the mistake. I have always felt like my glucose borderlines on imbalance. But I have had my blood tested and I guess its nothing to be concerned about. But after what happened today I think I definitely gave my body a shock by going over a bit. Now I am not a doctor, I do not know if this is what really happened, but I will tell you I know my body and it is my opinion that it was a sugar imbalance.

So you probably want to know what happened right? Well around lunch time I started feeling sluggish and by then I was on my 3rd lemonade of the day, the one with the extra syrup. After lunch I did about an hours forth of work standing where I began to feel pressure in my head and I would get light headed now and again followed by my ears starting to feel hot. I decided to have a sit at the computer thinking it would help. I started reading something online at which point my eyes seemed to get really fuzzy and I got this tingling sensation all through out my body. It was then when I felt it, like I was going to just pass out and fall over right then and there. It really made me anxious and I could feel my ears getting red and hot again. I stood up because it was like a panic attack and I just wanted to change what I was doing. But it wasn’t an attack because I have had them before. I immediately felt like my sugar was off.  I went in the back of the store and chugged the final bottle of lemonade I had brought with me to work. This helped A LOT. I think I had given myself a sugar rush with the one lemonade and then all of the sudden my sugar dropped. So the second lemonade helped even it out.

I still felt light headed the rest of the day. I still do actually. I came home and made a lemonade first thing, and then I took another one with me to class and drank that there.

I have to make a side note to why todays evens could have easily ruined me. I don’t have health insurance right now. I know I know I am crazy but I have to wait until I start classes this summer at the larger university to be able to get their health care. So for right now nothing can happen to me or I will very quickly become in a financial crisis. So I am beginning to question myself as to if I should be doing this while I am not insured. Had I passed out they would have undoubtedly called a squad which if for some reason I was not able to be woken up would have taken me to the hospital where I would have been admitted and charged for both the ambulance and the admittance fee. Thats probably about $35,000 I just cant afford.

So what did I decided? I really haven’t decided yet. One part of me does not want to give up. I want to push through it and blame it on detox. The cynic inside me says this is all a big joke to begin with and I need to get snap back to reality and realize that some sort of pepper lemonade concoction simply cant be healthy. But then again I feel like this is the first time I have ever been so determined to concur a goal and I want to see that through. I want to feel the grasp of accomplishment and know that I did something truly for myself and followed through with it.

So I guess the plan is to get plenty of rest tonight and hope I feel better in the morning. I think I will bring a bottle of orange juice to work with me encase I feel faint again. I know we are suppose to be slammed tomorrow which could be really bad. I really really want to hold out but I feel like I might just push my body into more than in can handle.

Anyway its still kind of early but I am thinking about drawing a bath and calling it a day. I am exhausted to say the least.

Master Cleanse Day 2

Whoo Hoo! I made it through day two, but in following the trend of honesty I will admit that I came close to giving in again today. Not nearly as close as yesterday though, so this is progress right? I have to keep reminding myself that this is only for a couple weeks, and I will be able to once again enjoy the comforts and rituals of eating real food soon enough.

I had brought some of my moms famous chili home for David last night. The same chili that had me foaming at the mouth and debating whether I should just quit right then and there. But I figured if I cant enjoy it, might as well share it with someone who can. Bad idea no. 2, I awoke from a nap today to the aroma of sweetness and spices. I wanted so badly to just have one bite, one lick. But no I braced myself and ignored my rumbling belly. My poor poor stomach *sniff sniff*.

Today was a pretty good day. I woke up and did the salt water flush (SWF in the whole master cleanse lingo). It worked quite well. Although I think it took more like and hour and a half until I could stop making a mad dash for the restroom every time my stomach did a turn. Most people I guess it only takes an hour or less. Note to self: wake up early tomorrow as to not poop ones pants on the way to work. I’m being serious that stuff is no joke and you better be within 5 feet of a bathroom until all is clear and out of the system.

I am braving it up tonight and giving the laxative tea another shot. The story is that it helps loosen all the nasty grind on your intestines so when you do the “SWF” in the morning it all comes out leaving your insides squeaky clean.. or as clean as a poop duct can get anyway. I read that if the laxative tea is to harsh on you to try adding more water and diluting it so that is what I am doing.

Softball practice was canceled today due to rain. I was actually slightly disappointed. We had agreed on an early enough time that I still had a fairly nice amount of energy. Also this is my first time playing softball, since uhm… maybe high school? So I’m already pretty much going to be the ass hole who screws the team by not having even a clue what it I am doing. I just figured it would be nice to have some time learning how to throw and swing at a ball (notice I say ’swing at’, I think saying ‘hitting a ball’ would be anticipating too much). Hopefully I can get someone to practice with me sometime this week so I don’t make a total fool of myself.

Since softball got canceled I decided it’d be better not to waste my energy sitting around doing diddley squat, so I went for a short run. I pushed my self to run harder than my lungs and legs wanted to which felt nice once my body gave in to my perseverance. I also came home and stretched the crap out of my legs and back. I am trying to get flexible again, enough so that I can pick up some time coaching gymnastics. I did it for so long as a kid that I don’t want to just throw it all away. But at the same time I feel bad expecting my kids to do the splits when I myself cant.

Randoms:

• The lemonade tasted less sweet today. odd.
• My lounge was fairly normal today.
• I got a lot of ‘real’ actual studying done today, as well as a quiz I nearly forgot was due tomorrow.
• I have a few new pimples I’m thrilled about (no really I really am… *cough.i.hate.this.cough*).
• My back is killing me.
• I’m exhausted at the end of the day but oddly still have active energy.

Oh about the list I was suppose to write. The one about why I am doing this to have it as a formal reminder. Oh yeah.

Why I am doing The Master Cleanse:

• To detoxify my mind, body, and spirit
• To accomplish a goal
• To get determined about something
• To motivate myself
• To become more dedicated to being healthy and active
• To persevere
• To understand the luxury I have of eating and enjoying food
• To break myself of the chains which gluttony has bound me
• To open myself up emotionally
• To take those built up emotions and actually deal with them
• To come closer to my spiritual ethos
• To become whole
• To meditate on who I am
• To become more secure and confident in who I am
• To do something solely for myself and to be proud of that accomplishment for the sole purpose of pleasing me
• Finally, To figure out why in the heck I have so many reasons I am doing this.. there must be some serious baggage that needs to be put away and laid to rest. Thus Hopefully this will lead me down the track to enlightenment… or something like that.

Well I think my list is plenty long enough to have something to fire off to myself every time I feel like quitting. Actually I am glad I took the time to write this. Just the act of getting it all out into words helps me form a clearer line of thinking and some more obtainable goals. Both of which are very helpful tools for success.

Well I’m beat so lest call it a wrap!

Master Clean Day 1

Today was rough! First as I mentioned this morning things were horrible in the female and eliminating department. Finally I think I the menstrual pain took over and won the competition for which cramps hurt worst. I really must have not been thinking when I decided now was the time to fast. Note to females: fast once you finish your period!

The lemonade was quite delightful. I have always liked lemon juice and water. I am the annoying customer, whom I hated when I use to serve, who always asks for tons and tons of lemons. The maple syrup part took some getting use to, but surprisingly i liked the spice of the cayenne pepper.

Now you might have never heard of this master cleans diet and you are probably scratching you head reading this and asking why? So for you here is a link that will answer all your questions: http://www.mastercleanser.com/

Now that we all are on the same page as far as knowing what I am talking about and what its about back to the day one report.

Finally somehow between cramps I made my first glass of juice. I was not hungry at all because of the pain, but I thought perhaps it would help. With no suck luck I bit the bullet and got myself together.

Today’s accomplishments:

• Washed dishes 50 times (lemon squeeze thing, glasses, knife for cutting lemon, measuring cup, etc.)
• Trip to the store to buy toilet paper and other necessities
• Straitened up apt.
• 5 o’clock softball meeting
• Lemonade making, lemonade making, and more lemonade making
• Off to the parents to visit and borrow their washer and dryer
• Short run around my parents neighborhood with my sisters dog

Which brings me to now. I’m still at my parents. I am drop dead tired. I’m even actually glad that David went out tonight since when I get home he will not be there. Some relaxing ‘me’ time in the bath and in front of the tube sounds so nice. Not to mention that I will have the bed all to myself for a few hours ^.^ I love when I can sprawl out in my sleep.

I was so ready to give up today. Not only does menstruation cause horrid cramps that I can do nothing about at the moment, but I swear I was not craving as many different foods a few days ago when I started my first fast. The sound and comforting idea of pizza was nearly enough for me to call it quits right here and now. As well as a little bit of anxiety I have for the fact that tomorrow is the first softball practice and next Sunday is our first game. I’m pretty nervous that I wont have the energy.

But I pushed past all these negative thoughts and kept thinking about the reasons I am doing this in the first place. Tomorrow I plan to make a list on here of all the reasons why so that I have them posted somewhere to refer back to.

As for now all I can think about is lying down and closing my eyes. My gosh I am beat!

//edit

Home sweet home. I wanted to note a few other things before I ventured off to a meeting with the sand man.

Starting this evening I begun to experience the coated tounge part of this whole thing. I was actually surprised because I thought this didn’t happen until after the first day. But perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I completed 3 days of the juice fast and only ate a small amount yesterday. At any rate its pretty annoying and a gross feeling. Like I have this gross cotton mouth, yuck!

another side note. I am not taking the laxative tea tonight as suggested. I want to hold off on that crazy tea until my cramps have subsided a bit from menstruation. Hopefully the salt watter flush goes as planed so I don’t get all backed up.

Now Finally I’m off to bed!

Bad Idea

For the record, taking a laxative is EXTREMELY painful while you are on your period if you already experience cramps.

I woke up last night in intense pain, followed by sitting on the toilet for about 30 to 40 minutes. It was horrible. I really think that when doing this diet the laxative isn’t needed until the second day. I understand you want to be sure things are moving right from the start, but I think doing a salt water flush  this morning would have been enough.

I am no even going to do the salt water flush because I have been making frequent visits to my friend the toilet all morning. So in my opinion it is not needed and will only cause more pain.

Again for the record, having cramps from needing to expel while having period cramps intensifies both and I can imagine it being much less painful than child birth itself. I’m serious!

Master Cleanse

This evening after work David and I went grocery shopping at one of the local health food stores. I wanted to get the necessary items for the lemon juice fast and he had some things he wanted to get as well. We ended up getting into an argument over the prices of maple syrup which lead to him saying this whole thing seemed unrealistic and a waste of money. So in defeat I nearly gave up on the idea of the lemon juice fast and was going to go back to simply doing the juice fast. But I guess some power of the Divine had other plans. As I wandered down an isle to get away from the heated conversation with David I came across a section of books. Low and behold someone had pulled out the book “Master Cleanse” and it was lying face up on the shelf. The Master Cleanse is actually the name given to the lemon juice diet. So I opened it up and started reading it. This let to me being reminded of why I wanted to do this fast in the first place and why I had thought the lemon juice fast was very intriguing.

I flipped to the page that talked about maple syrup. At that point David found me and I read to him all the vitamins and minerals that are in maple syrup. I had convinced him at best, but we compromised on the fact that we would go to another slightly cheaper place and see if they carried the maple syrup as well. Yay!

So here I am the night before my fast. I’m pretty zonked from all the eating I did today, which really was not much. But after a few days of not eating at all it seems to have stolen all my energy. As well as the fact that I think I stopped the fast right as I started to detox somewhat which I think has had negative effect on my energy.

I bought the book I came across today as well. It says I must take an herbal laxative tea with this diet and I also have to do a salt water flush every morning, yuck! Worst of ll I have to start by drinking the tea tonight. Which actually tastes good, but after the food I ate today I have a feeling things are going to get a little runny hear in a few hours.

By the way if you get grossed out easily this might not be the best journal to read. You might have already noticed by my openly talking about my period and I really don’t feel a need to shy away from details on my bowels either. After all that is a part of this whole thing. What goes in must come out, and even though not a lot is going in there is a lot of cleaning up shop going on inside, and as the book says, just because you sweep your floor doesn’t mean you get rid of the mess unless you sweep it into a dust bin and remove it. Thus, I will be discussing my poo. =) *snickers* (besides I find it somewhat amusing, as I am a little kid at heart)

Now its time to drink my tea and hope it doesn’t wake me in the middle of the night.

Yippie!

I started my period, which means I am all set to start my fast again. I decided thats since I will be off work this weekend, I am going to do a lemon juice fast and I will continue that for 10 days if I am not too weak. Other wise on monday I will go back to the juice fast. I am actually going to start tonight because I found it easier to do when I have not ate a lot the day before because I am less hungry the next day.

So after work I am off to pick up some maple syrup and more lemons.

I’m so excited to be back on track!

Break Fast!

I decided to break my fast last night. Just until I know for sure if I’m just late on my period or if it is because I am pregnant.

Two things are running through my mind. First is that I pray to God, Alla, Buhda, Dali Lama, Zues, and .. uhm
every other potential spiritual being out there that I am not pregnant.

Second thing running through my mind is that I am slightly disappointed that I had to break the fast. I was feeling so good, so energized. If you knew me in person you would think this new energy is amazing too. I am anything but high energy, the very opposite is true.

Well now I am making myself late for work.

Until next time!

One, Two, Three!

Hey! this is obviously my first post. I am using this site to write about my juice fasting experience. I am currently on my 3rd day!

I am a little worried though because I am late for my period. But I am hoping it is due to fasting.

more later..